I Forgot to Remember
by Agent08
Summary: COMPLETE. “That girl, that Kinomoto girl. She says she’s in love with me, but I don’t know who she is, or why she even loves me.” Is it truly possible for someone to forget the person they love most? SyaoranxSakura.
1. Forgetting

**Agent08 Reporting for Duty!**

Disclaimer: I claim that I do not own anything except for the plot. However, some lines I use have also been used in CCS the TV show/movie. Still, I claim I don't own a thing. Thank you! :)

Full Summary: "That girl, that Kinomoto girl. She says she's in love with me, but I don't know who she is, or why she even loves me." Is it truly possible for someone to forget the person they love most? (SyaoranxSakura)

Now… on with the story!

**I Forgot to Remember**

_Forgetting_

Sakura, full of determination and sadness, walked slowly towards the form of the Void Card. A little girl with long, flowing silver hair and the saddest, most empty eyes she'd ever seen. The little girl sobbed.

"Don't worry," Sakura said quietly. "Come join us."

The Void Card lifted her head to stare at her. "You won't leave me alone?"

"Everyone is waiting for you," Sakura said, as cheerfully as she could.

The Void considered her offer for a moment. And then, with a smile, she stood in her tiny bubble of air and bowed her head, offering herself up to her new mistress. Sakura grinned back, lifting her staff to first capture the card, and then seal it as her own.

"You know what you are giving up," the Void said suddenly, before Sakura could begin muttering the incantation. "Don't you?"

She swallowed with great difficulty and tried to see through the forming tears in her eyes. She tried her very best to smile. "Of course."

And then she began. "Return to your original form, Clow Card!" A magical mist burst through the card that suddenly formed beneath her staff, and she continued the rest of the incantation. "Clow Card, abandon your old form and re-incarnate. I order you, as your new master… under the name of Sakura!"

_I guess I wasn't able to tell him how I feel after all..._

The newly formed card floated directly towards her and she took it with shaking hands. It glowed gold for a moment, and when it faded, she saw that the Void was joined by the Nameless Card that she'd created last year. 'The Hope' it read.

She squeezed her eyes tight, prepared to have her most important feeling taken away from her. It was the price she had to pay after all, in order to seal the card. It was a sacrifice she was willing to make, if it meant returning all her loved ones, safe and sound. She just wished she could've told Syaoran how she felt about him, before she forgot that feeling completely.

She heard a whooshing noise and a strangled voice. Her eyes fluttered open and saw to her agony, a dark bubble enclose the very last person she wanted to see in her position.

"Syaoran-kun!" she cried, racing up the tower steps, getting as close to him as she could. The tower was badly damaged with holes all over it, so she couldn't get as near to him as she wanted to be.

"I'm glad I could make it," he said in a voice so tired and strangled it broke her heart to hear it.

She whimpered.

"I knew the Void would take my most important feeling instead of yours, as you've been summoning so many cards. Of course I would have the most magical powers out of the two of us at the end of the day,"

Sakura didn't even realize it until he said it. Eriol had warned her that the Void would take the feeling of the most magically powerful person. Not her alone. She'd just assumed it would be her, because she was the Card Mistress, after all.

Syaoran tried his best to stand with the help of his sword. How ironic, that he was more physically weak, but his magical power was still stronger than her own. If only it wasn't this way. If only it had gone the way she'd expected it too.

He smiled weakly at her and stared through his chocolate brown bangs. His eyes were wet. "Even if I lose this feeling… I'm sure I will still –"

The black hole that covered him closed completely, abruptly, and Sakura could see no more of him as the Void card did its job, and took away his most important feeling. The love he had for her.

"Syaoran-kun!"

When she next saw him, it was through blurry vision. Sakura's eyes were filled to the brim with tears as she stared at him, knowing he felt nothing for her anymore. But still, it was worth a shot.

She smiled a shaky smile at him and tried not to lose it. "Syaoran-kun," she said quietly, "I don't care what you think. I love you. You're the most important person to me… you're my number one."

Syaoran stared at her from across the distance, really just a couple of feet away. And yet, in that moment, she'd never felt so distant from him in her life.

He tilted his head to one side and stared at her with blank, empty eyes. "Who are you?"

Sakura's mouth fell open in despair and fell to her knees. Her head dropped into her hands as she continued to sob, not caring anymore what happened to her, or anything else.

She knew, from that moment on, that things would never be the same for her or for anyone else, ever again.

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**Hey lovelies. So yeah, I guess I'm back?**

**I know it's been a while since I've published something on here. It's been ages, actually. I hope you guys haven't forgotten me!**

**Just some things I think you should know:**

**a) When I wrote this fic, it was actually originally a one-shot, but it turned out to be something more. Lucky for you guys, eh?**

**b) I won't be cruel and take months at a time to update. I promise I'll update on a regular basis, maybe after every one or two weeks. THREE at the very max. I want you guys to trust me on that.**

**c) I don't plan on making this a very long story. It's actually a short little thing with really lengthy chapters.**

**That's all, really. I'm still at school, nearing the end of my first semester. Bear with me, you guys. But I promise you won't have to bear much. I'll be a good little authoress with this fic, I swear it! Tehehe.**

**I hope you enjoyed the first chapter and come back for seconds! Please read and review, it means the world to me!**

**Also, I wish each and every person reading this a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! Be safe, you guys!**

Signing off,  
Agent08 – _My life as a secret agent_


	2. Trying

Agent08 Reporting for Duty!

Now… on with chapter two!

**I Forgot to Remember**

_Trying_

_Sometime later…_

"Good morning, Kinomoto-san," Tomoyo, the amethyst-eyed beauty said brightly to Fujitaka, Sakura's aging father. Old as he was, no one could deny that he was still very, very handsome for his ripe old age.

"Daidouji-san," he said, obviously pleased to see her. She carried in her hands a picnic basket, filled with pastries and home made meals that she'd prepared for their outing. Behind her stood two of her friends, Meiling Li and her cousin, Syaoran Li.

"It's so good to see you," he told them all, "Perhaps you could try and get my Sakura out today. It's so nice out,"

"Oh, we'll get her out alright," Tomoyo assured him confidently, "even if I have to drag her out of this house by her hair."

Fujitaka wanted to laugh at her joke, but he wasn't sure if she was actually joking or not.

He stood aside and allowed the threesome to enter his home. They thanked him, put on a pair of house slippers and let themselves be lead up the stairs by him.

They arrived outside of Sakura's bedroom and Fujitaka knocked once, speaking softly to her. He knew she'd be able to hear.

"Sakura-san, your friends are here to see you," he told her cheerfully.

No answer.

"Sakura-san, please come out, they've arranged a picnic outing for you,"

"I'm sorry otou-san," came Sakura's muffled voice. "I'm busy. Can you tell them that I can't make it, please?"

"Busy doing what?" he asked, because they all knew she was just making an excuse to not go.

He heard a small sigh on the other side of the door. "Otou-san, please?"

"No, Sakura-san," he said gently but firmly, "it's a beautiful day outside and I will not have you spending it in your room with your curtains drawn. Get dressed, they are expecting you in five minutes."

"But 'tou-san, I—"

"Five minutes," he reminded her, and left it at that.

He smiled at the three who were paying attention to their entire conversation. He led them back down the stairs without a word, as if the few words he'd just exchanged with his daughter didn't make anybody uncomfortable.

"Kinomoto-san, I think I'll help Sakura-chan decide on her outfit, if that's okay with you," she said, slipping passed him and going back up to her bedroom. They all watched as she slid in through the door and closed it again behind her.

Fujitaka sat in the living room with the other two guests, keeping them company while Tomoyo and Sakura did their thing upstairs. Meiling was perfectly at ease, humming quietly to herself and admiring the nice décor of the Kinomoto home.

Syaoran, however, was still as a stone, his back straight and rigid as a board. His hands were laced together tightly and kept firmly on his lap. He kept his lips firmly together in a thin line; his eyes and ears open for anything that might happen. He, for some reason, was on his guard.

"So," Fujitaka began, "I was wondering if any of you two might be able to explain to me, what, exactly, happened to my daughter."

Syaoran stiffened. Meiling kept calm. "What do you mean?" she asked politely.

"Surely you two have noticed," he told them, "Sakura has been acting not herself lately. She isn't as cheerful. She hardly smiles. She barricades herself up in her room for hours with the curtains drawn. Did something happen at school? With her friends? What is it?"

Syaoran shifted nervously and his cousin noticed his discomfort. "It's… a boy," she told him honestly. There was just no lying to a sweet old man like Fujitaka Kinomoto. It was near impossible.

"A boy?" he echoed, blinking once. "Should I be concerned?"

"No, no," Meiling assured him at once. "It's just complicated. Please, don't let her older brother know. The situation isn't as bad as it seems. Kinomoto-san just took it all very bad. We're working on her,"

Fujitaka did something that surprised both Meiling and Syaoran. He smiled.

"Oh, believe me, I'll be the last person to tell her brother. Just make sure my Sakura gets back to her old self," he said sweetly. It warmed their hearts. "And if this boy does anything to hurt my Sakura, tell me so at once, so that I can do the appropriate thing and inform her brother,"

They began to sweat, knowing what would happen if Touya even had an inkling that the boy sitting across from his father had anything to do with Sakura's new attitude.

The three sitting in the living room heard movement upstairs and they all turned to look. Meiling and Fujitaka smiled, happy to see Sakura up and about for the first time in a really long time. Syaoran stared at her, mesmerized.

Being locked up in her room for so long turned Sakura's fair skin to chalky white, which actually looked quite nice on her. Tomoyo had dressed her in a pink summer dress with a floral pattern around the hem and topped it off with a white ribbon that circled her extremely tiny waist. Apparently she hadn't been eating very much, either.

"Kinomoto-san, you look great!" Meiling complimented, running up to her to give her a hug.

Syaoran stayed rooted to his spot, gaping at the pretty girl that stood before him.

"Have fun, you four," Fujitaka said, herding them out the door and waving goodbye. Sakura smiled weakly at him and turned quickly around, grabbing the arms of the two girls and rushing forward, leaving the boy behind.

He still hadn't stopped staring.

_**xxxxxx**_

"Do I really have to be here?" Sakura asked meekly, afraid to look back at the reason why she wasn't up for the picnic plan. Or for anything now of days.

"Yes, you do," Tomoyo told her.

"But… you guys… I…"

"We know, Sakura-chan," she said, "it'll be okay."

She gulped. "Will it?" she asked almost fearfully.

Tomoyo and Meiling, the two schemers, glanced at each other worriedly. Sakura was always so confident. She'd never doubted anything before in her life, until now.

"Of course," Meiling said, trying to make up for what Sakura lacked.

Tomoyo slowed her pace so that she was now side by side with Syaoran, who was staring, dazed, at Sakura's retreating back. He didn't even notice Tomoyo join him, nor when she started staring at him with curious, plotting eyes.

"Hello Li-kun," she said.

He was snapped from his reverie. "Oh, hi Daidouji,"

"Thanks for agreeing to come to this picnic with us. We know it must be hard for you,"

Tomoyo watched very closely for his reaction.

He shrugged.

"We're sorry things didn't work out,"

Still, she was given no reply.

"How are you feeling?" she asked him, truly concerned, not just for the sake of making conversation anymore. "Really, Li-kun, how are you feeling?"

He shrugged again and hesitated a moment before replying. "I don't… I don't know," he answered truthfully. "That girl… that Kinomoto girl, she says she's… she's…" she watched him struggle to say the next few words. "She says she's… in love. With me. But I don't know who she is, or why she even…" More struggling. "Loves me."

They walked in silence as they followed slowly behind Meiling and Sakura. Meiling was talking animatedly, probably trying to get Sakura's spirits up. Sakura was nodding along to everything she was saying, actually not paying any attention at all. She was trying to distract herself from the temptation she felt to turn around and ask Tomoyo what the hell she was saying to Syaoran.

"Why?" Tomoyo asked, her voice suddenly full of emotion, her eyes filled with sadness. "Why can't you remember her? Why won't you _try_?"

"I _am_ trying," he snapped, "I've _been_ trying!"

"Not hard enough, apparently," she muttered.

He sighed to calm himself. "I'm trying my best to remember who she is and what she meant to me," he told her seriously.

"No," she said angrily, "you're not! You're not trying your best."

They stopped walking to stare angrily towards each other, allowing the two girls ahead of them to slip further away.

"You don't get it, do you?" Tomoyo asked him breathlessly. "You _loved_ Sakura. You loved her more than anyone else. If you've been trying your best these past three weeks since you _broke her heart_, you would have remembered her by now!"

"How do you know that?" he asked, exasperated.

"Because you _told_ her so, Li-kun! You told her!" she said desperately. "You told her yourself, if you were ever to forget the feelings you had for her, you would still be in love with her,"

He opened his mouth to rebuttal, but was cut short before he even started when Meiling bounded up towards the two of them, her eyes bright, her smile wide. "Come on, slow pokes! Our spot is right there," she said, pointing to a nice, shaded space beneath a cherry blossom tree. Neither of the two had even noticed that they'd arrived at the park.

Sakura came to join them, unsmiling and head bowed down. She and Meiling both seemed to have noticed the tension.

"Is everything okay?" Meiling asked.

Tomoyo sighed and shook her had sadly at Syaoran. She then turned to her two best friends and smiled brightly, completely transformed. "Everything's fine," she said convincingly. And they would've believed it too, if Syaoran didn't look so down in the dumps. "Let's go, shall we?"

They nodded and set the picnic blanket down on the grass. They took their spots as Tomoyo began emptying the picnic basket and handing out the pre-prepared meals.

"Here you go," she said to each person as she gave him or her a bento box.

"I SMELL FOOOOD!" came a shrill voice from Sakura's purse. Everyone jumped at the suddenness of it all except for Sakura, who hardly reacted to anything anymore.

"Kero-chan," she said in a flat voice, "be quiet, please."

He ignored that, flying up to Tomoyo's ear level and whispering, "Geez, what took you so long, girly?" he asked, half angry, half relieved. "I couldn't get her to leave her room for the last week. I've been sweet deprived for days!"

Tomoyo giggled at him, "Here you go," she said again, handing him a pastry. "Sorry," she added.

"You're forgiven," Kero told her between mouth fulls.

Sakura nibbled at her food quietly, staring at the picnic blanket, the cherry blossom tree they sat beneath, letting her eyes rest upon just about anything except for Syaoran. It hurt too much to look at him.

Tomoyo, Meiling and Kero chattered up a storm and pretended not to notice the quietest of the five there. In between conversations Meiling would nudge her head in the direction of Syaoran and shoot meaningful glances towards Sakura. It looked like the two plotters were at it again.

"I'm thirsty," Meiling announced after a couple of minutes of eating and chatting, "Daidouji-san, have you got any drinks in that picnic basket?"

"Oh no," said Tomoyo after rummaging through the picnic basket for a moment, "It looks like I've forgotten!"

"What?" Kero asked, his cheeks bulging, "That's a first. You never forget to pack—"

Meiling swatted him quickly and he gave out a yelp. He glared at her and she shrugged, "There was a fly on you."

Before things got any more obvious than they already were, Tomoyo stood up quickly and announced that she was off to buy drinks from the nearest vending machine, which, conveniently enough, was on the other side of the park.

"Come with me, please, Meiling-chan?"

"Sure," she agreed easily, dusting herself off.

"Come along now, Kero-chan," Tomoyo said, waving him over.

"But I haven't even started on my seconds—"

Both girls turned to give him death glares. He got the point.

"Uh, on second thought, I feel like stretching my wings."

He fluttered up and away from the picnic blanket and went with the two girls as they looked over their shoulders the entire way.

Throughout the entire exchange, Sakura had not said a word. She hadn't even given any sign of recognition that she was even on the same planet as the others. She was just on her own, picking at her food, staring at the grass with blank eyes. She was completely alone.

But not really.

Seconds passed as the silence lapsed between them. Syaoran shifted his seating position for the millionth time and suddenly didn't feel like eating anymore. What was he supposed to say to the girl that was in love with him, but he hardly knew?

"It's… a nice day," he offered lamely.

It seemed as though she hadn't heard him. She remained the same, staring but not really staring, not eating her food. He tried again.

"Uh… don't you think it's a nice day?"

She still did not react to anything he was saying.

"Kinomoto-san?" he asked, seriously considering that maybe she _wasn't_ on the same planet as he was. "Kinomoto-san, are you even—"

"You call me Sakura," she said suddenly, in a voice so quiet and timid he never would've caught it if he hadn't seen her mouth move. "You used to call me Sakura."

He caught himself and felt the heat rising in his face. Damn, and it was already so freaking warm. He was going to start sweating soon, he knew it.

"O – Oh," he stuttered, "I — I didn't know—"

"We were stuck in an elevator," she told him, looking up at him, finally. Though she seemed rather hesitant. "We were stuck in an elevator, and you thought that I fell down the shaft. That's when you first called me by my first name."

"I — I see," he replied, nodding his head. "I don't remember that,"

He realized what he'd said a millisecond after saying it. He immediately felt guilty when Sakura's head bowed back down, her cheeks flushing and eyes welling.

"I mean I — I don't —"

"No," she said softly, blinking back her tears and forcing a smile. "It's okay. I should've known better than to bring it up. You don't—" her voice cracked and she swallowed down a sob, "you don't remember much. Do you?"

It was his turn to swallow. "No. I don't."

She nodded, trying to be understanding, but she wasn't doing a very good job at it, nor was she doing very well at hiding her sadness. "It's okay," she said again. "Totally fine." She tried, again, with great difficulty to smile as she could before, before it all happened.

"I — I want you to try and help me remember," he said gruffly. He was starting to irritate himself with all the stuttering that he was doing. "I want to remember you and – and…" he sighed, frustrated, "I just want to remember!"

"Why?" she asked quietly, sounding genuinely curious.

"Why?" he repeated incredulously, "Look at you, you're miserable!" he exclaimed, "You're miserable, and it's because of me, I know it is. You need me to remember, so that you can be happy again. Daidouji-san and Meiling won't shut up about it. All anyone ever does anymore is nag me and tell me to remember!"

"That's not exactly answering my question," she said, her voice still extremely quiet.

"What are you—" he began, angry, until he realized that he really hadn't answered her question the way she'd wanted him too. "I… I don't…"

"Do you want to remember because you're being forced too? Because everyone around you is telling you that you need too?"

He remained silent, not sure how to answer that question.

Sakura continued, ignoring his silence. "Or do you want to try for yourself? Because you _want_ to remember and love me again?"

"I…" he began breathlessly. "I want to remember so you can be happy again," he answered to the best of his ability. "I don't want this guilt hanging over me anymore. I don't want to be the reason why you don't smile anymore, or why you lock yourself in your room and don't hang out with your friends anymore."

He looked at her seriously and she stared back with the same empty, emerald green eyes she'd had ever since the day he forgot her and broke her heart. "I won't be responsible for that," he said angrily.

"Okay," she said lightly, smiling at him with a grin that actually looked natural, and not forced. "Okay," she said again, nodding her head, "that's reason enough for me."

"It… is?" he asked cautiously.

"Of course," she said, "I don't want you to feel bad over the way that I'm feeling right now. If remembering helps you to rid yourself of this… guilt, then I'll do my best to help you remember. Even if…"

She trailed off with her thoughts, swallowing her next few words and returning her gaze to the picnic blanket.

"Even if what?" he asked softly at first. She gave him no reply, and he was seriously starting to run out of patience. "Even if what?" he demanded.

"Even if… even if you come to remember your feelings, but realize you don't love me anymore as you did before."

He nodded. "That's generous of you," he said truthfully.

"I'd do anything for you," she said meekly, though matter-of-factly. He immediately became uncomfortable again.

"So… what else can you tell me? About before?"

Sakura lifted her head to stare into the skies reminiscently. "Everything," she said truthfully, "I can tell you anything and everything you want to know from before. Tomoyo-chan used to tape us on every adventure, used to take pictures of us after every capture… we did just about everything together. I think…" she said, her voice growing quiet again, "I think that's how you fell in love with me."

"Why don't we start from the beginning?" he suggested.

Sakura turned to face him and smiled an honest to God smile at him, her eyes twinkling for the first time in weeks. "I'd like that."

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**Hi, everyone! I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I know I liked writing it.**

**Please read and review, it means a lot to me. Since this will only have about five or six chapters in total, I know I'll be lucky to reach a hundred. Still, I don't write for reviews, but feedback and your thoughts are always, always welcome and appreciated!**

**I probably won't update until sometime in the early New Year. Be safe, everyone!**

Signing off,  
Agent08 – _My life as a secret agent_


	3. Crying

**Agent08 Reporting for Duty!**

Now… on with chapter three!

**I Forgot to Remember**

_Crying_

_The Beginning_

"Who are you?" Syaoran asked politely, to a girl he'd never seen before in his life that had just told him she loved him, and trembling with tears.

He watched the girl as if in slow motion. She fell to her knees and allowed her auburn bangs to cover her face, as well as her hands. He watched her heave and shudder with broken sobs, confused and helpless.

He continued to stare in desperation, downright horrified by her reaction to his simple question. It seemed like hours before anyone else arrived at the tower. And by that time, everything had gone to normal. Sakura's loved ones had been returned to her and the town of Tomoeda was in peace. But the single shadow of the day was starting to become a threatening, gray cloud.

"Sakura?" he heard someone call. "Sakura?"

More voices below him. But he didn't remove his eyes from the girl. He was frozen, paralyzed by her sobbing.

He heard footsteps. They seemed faint, but they were closer than he thought. Before he knew it, there was Tomoyo, Meiling and Kero all surrounding the crying girl and asking her what happened.

She melted into their arms. "He doesn't love me anymore," she cried, "he doesn't love me anymore!"

And the way she said it didn't seem as though she was crying in despair. More like she was trying to explain the situation to them, but she couldn't do it without crying.

"What?" they all asked, puzzled.

"She took his most important feeling," the girl said. He figured she must be the one they called Sakura. "She took his most important feeling, and I wish – I wish she took mine instead!"

Sakura continued crying, shaking hysterically. Tomoyo hushed her and Syaoran was left gaping, staring, wondering who she was and why she was crying, what she was even talking about. He had never seen anybody so sad before in his life.

"Syaoran," Meiling whispered, taking his arm and shaking him lightly. Everything about him remained still as stone, except for his eyes, which were following Sakura and Tomoyo as they walked out of the tower. "Syaoran, come with me."

"Meiling," he said breathlessly, "who is she? Who is that girl?"

She ignored his questions and gripped his arm tighter. Together they left the tower and walked to Daidouji's house, where they sat in silence for quite sometime, until Tomoyo herself arrived.

She entered the room quietly and took a seat opposite the two. She folded her hands neatly atop her lap and calmly gazed into Syaoran's pained and confused eyes.

"What happened?" she asked.

"I — I don't know!" he exclaimed desperately, as if she'd turned a spotlight on him and was glaring. "That girl, the one you call Sakura – she just told me she… she…"

"She told you she loves you?" asked Meiling.

He swallowed the knot in his throat and nodded.

"And what did you say?"

"I didn't say anything! I just… I just… I asked her who she was," he explained, shrugging.

The two girls looked to one another in confusion. "You don't remember her?"

"I know her?" he asked, confused as well. "I've never seen her before in my life until now."

Tomoyo shook her head viciously from side to side. "No, no. That's not true. You've known her forever. She's one of your best friends. She—"

"What?" he asked, "What on earth are you talking about? I'm telling you, I've never seen her before in my life!" he nearly shouted. He looked to each girl, confusion and fear clearly visible in his eyes. "Who is she? Why was she crying? Is what she said really true?"

Both remained silent. After a while, Tomoyo spoke. "Why don't you ask her yourself?"

"What?"

"Ask. Her. Your. Self." She repeated whilst emphasizing each word, almost as if daring him.

She stood up from where she was sitting, walked over to the door and slipped out quietly. After a couple of seconds she returned, Sakura in tow.

Syaoran tensed and felt a sudden urge to jump out a window. But he ignored the feeling and focused on the girl. She was dressed in a simple, white night gown, no longer in the flashy pink costume she was wearing at the tower. She seemed tired and resigned, and – thank the heavens – she was dry eyed.

At the sight of Syaoran she seemed to deflate even more, if that's even possible. Her entire body sagged, as if the looks of him made her want to shrivel up into a sad, little cactus weed.

They stared at one another, Syaoran's gaze hard and expectant; Sakura's tired and sad.

Before anyone in the room could get a word out, Sakura took off the necklace around her neck and placed it in her palm. Too tired to form any words just yet, she closed her fist around the tiny, miniature staff and opened it again, but with force. In her hand was the real staff.

"Sakura," Tomoyo asked cautiously, "what are you doing?"

She ignored her. "_Return!_" she cried.

A card was flipped into the air and put into effect. A woman draped in a dark blue cape with long, ghostly white bangs holding a clock escaped from the card and came to stand before all of them. She opened her eyes.

"Return Card, take him back, back to every single moment he shared with me. I don't care if it uses up all my energy and power. Make him remember me!" Sakura commanded, fierce and determined.

The Return looked at her sadly. "_I cannot,_" said the card.

An anger that not even Tomoyo or Kero had ever seen on her seemed to cloud her eyes. "Why not?" she demanded, "Are you refusing to do my bidding? I'm your mistress! Do as I say – now!"

It was the first time she'd ever literally commanded a card to do anything. Other times she would order them politely, but this time was completely different.

Though she'd just been scolded, the card seemed to be unaffected. "_I cannot,_"

"Why – NOT?" Sakura said, through gritted teeth.

"_I cannot,_" repeated the card, and Sakura nearly exploded. However the card cut her off. "_This is the will of the Void. I cannot interfere. Not this way._"

All the anger seemed to drain from her body. She was back to looking tired and worn, as if she was recovering from a bad accident, which this all kind of was. She looked to the card and back to Syaoran, who was watching the whole thing as if in a trance.

"Please?" she asked desperately, in a small voice. "Please," she begged.

The Return began fading into a mist, becoming a card once more. "_Have hope, Mistress Sakura,_" she said in goodbye.

The card disappeared and her staff returned to its miniature version. Sakura, for the second time that day, fell to her knees, except this time in exhaustion. And to Syaoran's horror, he saw a brand new film of wetness cover her pained eyes. She began crying again, quietly this time, as if she knew it hurt him to see her like that.

Meiling and Tomoyo rushed towards her and helped her out of the room. He was left with Kero.

"Will she be okay?" he asked.

"She'll be fine, kid," Kero answered, though Syaoran wasn't sure how he could know that. "She's staying the night. Maybe you should let her rest and talk to her in the morning."

Syaoran nodded. That was best. Wait and let both of themselves gather their thoughts and just calm down. After a good night's rest, they'd both be level headed and prepared to discuss what happened.

He crept into bed and stared at the ceiling. Sleep never came to him that night, neither did peace or rest.

**_xxxxxx_**

When he woke the next morning (though he never really woke, since he never got a wink of sleep in the first place), he got dressed out of his night clothes and without a word to anyone else, headed straight for Tomoyo's other guest bedroom on the other side of the house, where he knew Sakura must've been sleeping.

He paused at the front of her door and took a few deep breaths. He squared his shoulders and knocked. Then he waited.

After a couple of seconds, there was no answer. He knocked again.

Still no answer.

He knocked again, harder this time, but did not wait for anyone to respond. He turned the knob and entered, without being invited. He saw Sakura still sleeping, her plain white bed sheets tangled between her legs. She was lying on her side, facing away from him.

Suddenly he didn't know what to say. Even though he'd been thinking about this conversation all night, the words escaped him completely.

"H – Hi…" he began unsurely. "Sorry, I – I didn't mean to wake you. Um… did you have a g – good sleep?"

Sakura shifted, keeping her face away from him. So she wasn't going to answer him, was she? That made things easier for him. But it also complicated things for him, when he expected the answers to his questions.

"It's… it's Kinomoto Sakura, right? That's what Daidouji and Meiling said your name is. My – my name is Li Syaoran. But then again, you probably already knew that, didn't you?" He asked, attempting humor but failing miserably. He laughed nervously.

Sakura shifted again. Still no noise came from her lips.

"I'm really sorry about everything… I know I shouldn't have made you, uh, cry. I wish I reacted better to all the things you said to me." Although, in his mind, there was no better reaction he could've given. He asked politely who she was, and that was the best he came up with. He couldn't exactly tell her he felt the same way – he had no idea who she was.

"It's been really bad these past couple of hours. I'm so… I don't know… _bothered_ by everything that's happened. I've been trying the entire night to put a finger on you, to figure out how I know you… why I feel a pulsing in my head every time I look at you, but it's so hard. I wish Daidouji and Meiling would explain some more. I wish _you_ would explain. Please, Kinomoto-san?"

Silence.

Syaoran swallowed, cleared his throat and found his courage. Not all of it, but enough to get on with his visit. "Okay, fine. Listen – enough with the preliminaries, alright? Is it true?" he demanded.

Sakura remained still, but sighed lightly.

"Do you really… you know? Do you really lo… do you really lo — do you really feel that way about me?" When she gave him no reply, he realized this was going to be harder than he thought. "I don't even know who you are… but you seem to know a lot about me. According to the others, we're best friends? I don't know. Are we?"

She mumbled something incoherent and he took that as a yes.

"So we really are best friends, huh? Best friends that fell – that, uh, wanted to be something more than that?"

No reply.

"You know I'd really appreciate it if you answered me. Please? Please stop ignoring me?"

Still no answer.

"You know, you never really gave me a proper reply to my first question. Is it true? Do you really… love… me?"

His question was answered by silence once more and he finally lost all of his patience. "I asked you a question," he said, irritated, "and it's only proper manners to face someone when you give them an—"

He took Sakura's shoulder and shook it, bringing her face around to meet his. He saw to some embarrassment that she'd been sleeping the entire time, talking in her sleep and unconsciously moving. And after all that he'd said, the effort he put into speaking to her… wasted.

He sighed. "Never mind," he murmured, more to himself than to Sakura, since obviously she wasn't conscious to hear it. He pulled the blanket higher over her shoulders to keep her warm and stared at her for a moment, his eyes tired and disappointed.

"Nice try," Tomoyo said from the doorframe which she was leaning on, a tray of tea, bread and jam spread neatly out on top of it. "You should try again when she's awake."

Syaoran turned and shrugged sheepishly at her. "I don't think she'll want to talk me when she's awake."

Tomoyo returned his shrug. "You never know unless you try."

He stared at her, some of the fear that was evident in his eyes from the other day making another appearance in his amber pools. "What if she cries again? I… I can' talk to her if she cries, Daidouji. It's too…"

"Painful?" she asked, finishing his sentence. "I know. I was here with her and she just about bawled her eyes out for all of last night. You didn't hear her?"

He shook his head. "No." And he was definitely glad that he didn't.

"Good," she answered, pushing herself away from the doorframe and coming to stand next to Sakura's bedside. She placed the tray quietly upon the table next to the mattress and looked to Syaoran again. "I made her sleep on the other side of the house for a reason, you know."

He attempted a smile. "Thanks," he said, "I owe you one."

"Yeah, you do," she replied. "You can pay me back by talking to Sakura again, when she's awake."

He gaped at her. "But I – I can't do that! What if she… what if she –"

"Cries? It'll be nothing new, then. Just suck it up. I know it's awful every time it happens – believe me, I know – but you _have_ to talk to her. You have to try."

He stared at her for a long time before finally replying. "Fine, I'll talk to her." He told her. She returned the stare for an equally long amount of time before nodding and leaving the room. Syaoran took one last glance at the sleeping girl before him and muttered beneath his breath, "When I'm good and ready."

As he left from the room, Sakura's eyes opened slowly, revealing not the sleepy eyes that are expected from someone who has just woken up, but tear-filled eyes that showed she'd been awake the entire time.

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**Is this early enough in January for you?**

**I'm back at school and busy as usual. I'll update when I can. I give you guys permission to hold the promise I made about updating against me. If your memories need refreshing, go back to my Chapter 1 author notes!**

**I hope you enjoyed the third chapter and really, really hope you continue to read and review. There are only two or three chapters left. Like I said, this is just a very short fic. I hope you enjoy it all the same!**

**Goodnight and goodbye!**

Signing off,  
Agent08 – _My life as a secret agent_


	4. Hoping

Agent08 Reporting for Duty!

Now… on with chapter four!

**I Forgot to Remember**

_Hoping_

_The Present_

"Well, to be honest, I don't really remember when, or why, you even came to love me," Sakura said, sitting next to Syaoran on a set of swings at the park. She was staring up at the sky, finally seeming to be enjoying her time outdoors for the first time in weeks.

"Okay," Syaoran said encouragingly, hoping she would continue.

"You weren't actually the first person I was ever in love with," she told him casually.

That, for some reason, sent a pang through his heart, as if someone had taken it and pinched it. He couldn't pin the emotion that coursed through him at the thought of this girl sitting next to him, loving someone else that wasn't him.

"Go on," he said in a tight voice.

"I was in love with my brother's best friend, Yukito-san. You remember him, don't you?"

"Yes, I do," he told her. Syaoran remembered everyone… except for her.

"Well, I'd had feelings for him for a long time, for as long as I could remember. I finally mustered up the courage to tell him how I felt one day at this carnival we were at. I told him and he said to me that he didn't feel the same way. That there was someone out there better for me than him that I would love the most."

Sakura spoke so casually of the situation, as if the person that she found that she loved the most wasn't swinging next to her. Syaoran assumed it would be normal for her now. Her goal was to simply help him to remember, so he wouldn't feel badly anymore. He knew she wasn't trying to get him to fall back in love with her again. Somehow he knew, that, if she wanted him to feel that way for her again, she would want it done on his own accord.

"What's that got to do with us?" he asked.

"Well, that day, you walked me home and I asked to make a pit stop to the park on our way. I told you what happened, and you comforted me. You gave me your special blue hanky to cry with and you told me that you were sure, one day, I'd find the person that I loved the most."

"Ah. I see," He patted down the front of his jacket where his blue hanky was burning a hole in the pocket.

"We were on these swings."

And suddenly the swing set was on fire as well. He flinched, as if it burned him to be seating there, as if the swing set really was ablaze. Sakura saw his reaction and immediately felt bad.

"I'm sorry," she said, "I thought that maybe, if I showed you something important or special to our past, it would help you remember more,"

He shook his head. "S'okay."

They saw in the distance Tomoyo, Meiling and Kero return from their suspiciously long trip to the vending machines. They waved at them from their original spot with the picnic blanket, drinks in hand and smiles spread wide. They winked encouragingly at the pair on the swings.

"Have they always been like that?" Syaoran asked.

Sakura giggled. "Yeah, you should've seen them when you first came back here after eight months of being away. All they ever did was try and get us alone, so that I could get a chance to tell you how I feel."

"And why didn't you?" he asked suddenly.

"Why didn't I what?"

"Why did you wait last minute to tell me you that you were… in love with me?"

Sakura shrugged, finally starting to feel as uncomfortable as he was. "I tried, honestly I did. I must've tried a million times, I just… I couldn't do it,"

"Why not?"

"I don't really know," she said, annoyed with herself. "Every time I tried telling you, my heart would speed up so fast, I'd forget the words I practiced a hundred times in the mirror—"

Syaoran smirked. "You practiced in the mirror?"

Sakura smiled sheepishly and stuck her tongue out at him. "Oh, shutup."

"Wow, that would've been funny to watch."

"Oh, hush!" she said, "Well, you didn't tell _me_ so brilliantly, you know! You should've been the one practicing in the mirror."

Syaoran's smirk melted right off his face. "I was just wondering… how — how did I tell you?"

"How did you tell me you loved me?"

"Yes," he said nervously.

Sakura bit her lip and looked to the skies once more, remembering the time when he'd told her. She smiled. "It was all very sudden, to be quite honest."

"I want to know," he told her.

"Well," she began, "for starters, I was in the middle of a war with Eriol-kun. The whole world was going to be put in darkness, and I couldn't let it happen. I could only prevent it by doing one thing."

"And what was that?" Syaoran asked curiously.

"I had to transform the Light Card into one of my own. Except, in order to do that, I had to transform the Dark Card too. And that takes an enormous amount of magical powers, if you couldn't figure that out for yourself,"

He scowled at her and she smiled before continuing again.

"Anyway. There was a lot of pressure on me. Yue-san and Kero-chan transformed themselves into a staff for me, so that I could have a better chance of transforming the cards. If I couldn't do it, they'd be trapped inside the staff for forever, just as the whole world would be in darkness for eternity."

Syaoran bit his lip. "Sounds… scary."

"Oh, it was," she assured him, "I was scared out of my mind. I tried my best to transform the two cards together but I knew I was losing it. Until…"

She trailed off, building suspense. "Until what?" Syaoran coaxed, "Until what?"

"Until you came, from nowhere, and held me."

"I… held you?" he asked, confused. "How did that help?"

"Well, you held me from behind, transferring your magical powers to myself, helping me transform the two cards into Sakura Cards."

"Oh… wow."

"I was so grateful. I couldn't have done that without you, couldn't have captured all the cards without you, couldn't have passed the final judgement without you…. I couldn't do any of it without you."

Syaoran blushed a deep shade of red. "You would've been fine," he told her.

"No, I wouldn't have been," she said truthfully.

There was an awkward silence that lapsed for a moment before Syaoran continued speaking. "So… how does that have anything to do with when I told you that I, you know — loved you?"

The smile re-appeared on her face. "Well, I heard you call my name and I saw you collapse, because you'd spent so much energy with helping me. I ran up to you, really worried, and you held my hand, and then… you just told me."

He stared at her with disbelieving eyes. "Just like that?"

"Yes, exactly like that," she told him.

"I… I see," he said, averting his gaze to the ground. His swinging slowed to a complete stop and he turned away from her, scooting over as far as he could on the swing, to create more distance.

"What is it?" Sakura asked, "What have I done?"

"It's not you," he said, still not looking at her. "It's me, I'm — I'm irritated with myself,"

She looked at him, puzzled. "Why?"

"Because," he answered, frustrated, "All this talking we're doing, all these memories you're telling me about… it's not _working_." he exclaimed.

"I'm doing my best…" she said, as though she was being scolded.

"No, no," he said, realizing how insulting his previous words must've sounded, "It's not your fault. It isn't. It's mine. Those things are so important to our past. It should be helping, you know? It should be working, but it's not."

"That isn't your fault,"

"Well it's not your fault, either."

They remained silent for the next little while, and suddenly realized they were alone. Apparently Tomoyo, Meiling and Kero had moved the picnic elsewhere because they were nowhere to be seen. Most likely trying to give them some more alone time.

He removed his eyes from the ground and began staring at her, hoping for something he didn't know. All he knew was that there was more hope for him than there was before, every time he laid eyes on her. But there was also a slight pain in his head that always appeared when he looked at her, too…

"That's it," she whispered. "That's it!"

He stared at her with narrowed eyes. "Sorry, what?"

"The other day – oh God, it must've been weeks ago – you told me you felt something in your head every time you looked at me. What was it again…? A pulsing! That's it. You feel a pulsing."

He continued staring, trying to remember when he'd told her all this. What she was saying was indeed true, that he always felt a short pain in his head when he looked at her, but he just couldn't remember when. Weeks ago, she'd said it was? Two weeks ago she was…

"Asleep," he said in quiet surprise. "You were asleep. You were asleep when I told you that I felt a pulsing in my head. How could you have known that?"

Sakura blushed lightly and looked away. "Well… I wasn't actually asleep. I was… faking."

And for some reason, that made him angry. Really angry.

"What?" he asked, though he heard her perfectly clearly. "You were _faking_?"

"Well, yes…" she said quietly. "Is it so bad that I was?"

"Not exactly _bad_," he admitted, "but you should've just told me you didn't want to talk to me! You don't know how much courage I had to muster up to talk to you for the first time. And when I found out you were asleep, I felt really, really stupid."

"Well how do you think I felt when you asked me who I was after I just _declared my love for you_?"

"That's different," he said stiffly, "and you know it."

They were silent again and both of them thought that they weren't going to speak again. That they would call it a night and continue with the whole thing again another time. But Syaoran was determined.

"What about it?" he muttered with a sigh. "What were you going to say about the pulsing I feel in my head?"

Sakura turned towards him at last but avoided his eyes. "That pulsing must have something to do with your memories of me. I know it. It _must_ have something to do with it."

Syaoran thought for a moment and shook his head. "Nah. I don't think so."

Sakura's brows furrowed together in confusion. She had thought it was a good conclusion, that he would agree with her. But apparently not. And if he didn't agree with her, he could at least try to see it her way instead of shooting her idea down so quickly.

"Uh, well why else would there be a pulsing in your head every time you look at me?" she asked, suddenly becoming angry. "What do you think is the reason behind it?"

He shrugged defensively. "How should I know?"

"Well what else could explain it?" she exclaimed, standing. "Of course the pain you feel in your head has something to do with your memories of me! How could it _not_? Why _else_ would you feel it when you look at me, specifically? Am I hideous? Is it that painful to look at me?"

Syaoran stood as well, both defensive and just as angry as Sakura. "Why are you so mad?"

"You're not cooperating!" she said exasperatedly, "This is the only thing we've got going for us and you're throwing it away like spare change,"

"What do you mean?"

"The only hope I have left of you remembering is in the pain you feel in your head, and you won't give it the time of day. It's my one hope in this and… and I can't _not_ have any hope! Without hope, what's the point in trying?" she cried desperately, tiny drops of tears forming in the corner of her eyes.

"I — I'm sorry, I had no idea –" he began, hoping to stop the water works before they started going nonstop.

Sakura shook her head sadly at him and slumped back on the swing set, her head down and whimpered.

"Oh for crying out loud…" he muttered angrily to himself – why did he have to keep making her cry? "I'm sorry… I'm really, really sorry…"

She wiped her eyes and she was back to looking worn out and tired, the same way she'd looked the first night at Tomoyo's house. "Forget it," she sighed, "I cry over anything now of days."

"You know…" he began quietly, "None of what you said was true."

"W – What?" she asked, still a bit shaky from her crying.

Syaoran blushed a deep shade of red. He shifted his weight from foot to foot and squinted his eyes in embarrassment. "I… I don't think that you're hideous. At all, actually."

Sakura smiled reluctantly. "Oh… r-really?"

"Really," he admitted, "It's not painful to look at you at all… if anything, it's a pleasure. You're really… really, very pretty."

Her smile spread wider across her face, into a shy and innocent grin. Her cheeks turned pink to match Syaoran's red and blinked her glassy eyes at him once. "Thanks," she said shyly.

"Come on… there's still hope. Hope for me. Right?" he asked her.

She nodded slowly at first, agreeing simply to please him, though she really felt like she had no hope. Until suddenly she realized something.

"Hope…" Sakura echoed, gazing at Syaoran from the distance between them as though she were staring from another universe. "Hope…?"

Syaoran stared at her, suddenly concerned. She looked as she did earlier that day, as if she were on another planet, with her own thoughts. "Um, are you…?"

"There must be some hope," she whispered, "there's hope for you,"

"What are you going on about?"

Suddenly she took his hands in hers. She held them tightly and stared hard. Suddenly he was frightened, and he had no idea why. He stared back at her anxiously.

"You say you feel something when you look at me," she said, "right?"

"Right," he confirmed.

"There's hope!" she exclaimed, "there's always hope,"

She took a step away from him and took from her neck the necklace with her miniature staff dangling from it. She placed it in the middle of her palm and recited the incantation.

"Key concealing the power of the stars, reveal thy true form before me. By our contract, I, Sakura, command you! _Release_!"

Her magical circle appeared beneath her and a sudden gust of wind that came from absolutely nowhere rustled the trees around them as though a hurricane was passing through. The miniature staff grew longer in her hand until she had the real thing tight in her grasp.

"Hope!" she cried out, flipping a card into the air.

Syaoran stared, wondering what she was up to.

She pointed to the card with the very tip of her staff and looked to the heavens as she commanded the card. "Hope Card, help Syaoran-kun. Give us hope. Make him remember!"

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**Baaah, so that took just a **_**little**_** bit more than three weeks. Sue me, okay? Haha, jokes, jokes. I really am very sorry for going two/three days past the three week promise. I know it's no excuse, but I **_**have**_** started a new semester at school and the transition period always includes exams and such. Please forgive me, oh darling, honey-sugar readers!**

**Thank you so much for reading this chapter. There's not much left. Believe me when I say that. Hardly anything left of this fiction at all. So please review and give me all the feedback possible!**

**Stay safe and take care, everyone!**

Signing off,  
Agent08 – _My life as a secret agent_


	5. Remembering

Obviously I'm not good at keeping promises. My sincerest apologies to whoever was waiting for the final installment of this leap-of-faith story. I will try harder next time.

* * *

Agent08 Reporting for Duty!

Now… on with chapter five!

**I Forgot to Remember **

_Remembering_

Maybe what was happening was only in his head. Or maybe it really was happening right before his very eyes. He just knew that this was the work of the card that Sakura had called to duty. This was the work of Hope.

Syaoran staggered to his knees the second after Sakura commanded the card. His mind began racing, spinning, dizzying himself when he wasn't even moving. He was traveling to the deepest part of his mind, venturing down into the very depths of his heart.

Suddenly he was alone. And he definitely wasn't at Penguin Park anymore. He was surrounded by black, as if someone had come and placed a backdrop behind him without his knowing. And in the vast, empty, blackness there were tiny white droplets that shimmered and twinkled. Stars, he realized. Was he in space?

He spun around to see where Sakura had gone, but she was nowhere to be seen. Where he expected her to have been standing, a white mist started gathering and taking the shape of a person. He blinked rapidly to make everything focus. His head was still spinning.

When the mist faded, he knew the person standing before him just had to be a card. No ordinary person would be dressed in that attire. It was a little girl draped in a lacy, frilly cape that fell around her entire body, circling her neatly. She had silver, wavy hair, and in her arms she held a heart. The heart, for some reason, had a ticking clock in the center.

He had never seen this card before.

"Who… who are you?" he asked just slightly above a whisper.

The card smiled sweetly. "_Hope._"

"The… The Hope? I've never heard of you before," he managed to say.

She smiled that same smile. "_Come with me, Syaoran Li._"

He took a step back and, for the first time in months, felt afraid.

He shook his head. "No."

"_Come with me,_" the card said again, this time with more force, but somehow remained gentle. She motioned for him to join her, but he simply shook his head again, staring in fear and uncertainty.

The card smiled again, this time almost mischievously. The mist gathered around her again, coming from nowhere and swallowing her completely. She disappeared for a moment, completely engulfed in the white smoke. When it parted, she was no longer herself.

She was Sakura. Looking as beautiful and innocent as ever.

But the smile wasn't hers. The eyes didn't have the same spark or twinkle. It was still the Hope Card, taking the form of its mistress.

"_Now, will you come with me?_"

And then suddenly he felt compelled to say, _Yes. Yes, of course. Anything you ask._

He nodded. "Where…?"

The Hope skipped towards him, still in Sakura's form. She probably knew that the only way she'd ever get Syaoran to do anything she asked was if she asked as Sakura.

She took his hand and started skipping again, deep into the blackness. Except suddenly it wasn't black anymore. The backdrop behind them began shifting into a new scene, something that felt somewhat familiar.

He was standing with "Sakura", and he realized with a start that he was in the park again, in the same spot that he was in just moments before. He was standing before the swing sets, watching as the sun began dipping low behind some clouds. It was just in the middle afternoon, though, before this all happened. How could time have passed so fast?

He saw two people approaching in the distance. They looked oddly familiar, just like the scene before him.

"Who…?" he began to ask, but the card shushed him with a simple finger to her lips.

He saw, with some shock, that it was himself, approaching with the real Sakura. She was dressed in a pretty white outfit, probably put together by Tomoyo, and he was wearing a simple green shirt and pants. As his other self and Sakura got closer to where they were standing by the swing sets, he realized that although they'd passed their line of vision more than once, they didn't react. Apparently he was invisible in this world.

He watched as they took a seat upon the swings and realization dawned on him. This was the scene that Sakura had told him about earlier before. When she'd confided in him about being rejected by Yukito and talked about the person she'd one day come to love the most.

He paid close attention, fascinated by their entire conversation. Sakura had summed it all up pretty well. She explained to him the situation, told him how she didn't want to hurt over it, because she knew Yukito would be troubled. His jaw slacked when he saw himself hug and offer her the handkerchief that was presently in his pocket.

He hadn't noticed that the Hope had been watching him the entire time. "_Do you remember now?_" she asked, after a moment's pause.

He felt the same, stabbing pain in his head again. The same one he always got when he looked at Sakura. It was worse this time, though, throbbing and aching like a fresh wound. It started up again the first moment Sakura started talking. And it got worse as the scene moved along.

He clutched the sides of his head, taking in fistfuls of his hair. Squeezing his eyes shut, he bent over, trying to make it go away. "No! I can't remember – now make it stop,"

The card looked at him sadly, disappointed, but also concerned that he was hurting. "_I'm sorry._" She said, though she did nothing to ease the pain.

He opened one eye to glare at her. "Make it stop!"

She shook her head and helped him stand up straight. She ignored the way he winced in pain every second or two, and took his hand again, moving away from the other two as the scene began to morph again.

"Aren't you going to do anything?" he cried, refusing to go another step forward. But she forced him, pulling fast and hard. It was hard to protest while his head was still hurting.

The backdrop became still again, and this time they were at the local shrine. He still felt the ache in his head, but he was able to ignore it for a little while, long enough to watch the new scene.

He saw, not too far off, himself dressed in his traditional capturing clothes, which was a green and white combination. Sakura was dressed in yet again another fancy costume, a big hat on her head and a poofy skirt. She looked beautiful all the same.

He watched himself attempt to follow Sakura, who was walking away from him. His memory-self suddenly yelled out her name.

"Sakura!"

She turned and saw him stagger. Suddenly worried, she ran up to him and caught his hand, helping him slowly to the ground. He could tell he was gripping her hand tightly.

"Syaoran-kun, what is it?" she asked, full of concern.

He bit his lip. "I…" More struggling. "I…"

She smiled at him encouragingly. "Yes, Syaoran-kun?"

"I…"

The scene before him was almost as painful as the ache in his head. Why was he being such a coward? It was three simple words! Three measly words that he had to spit out of his mouth. Why was he stuttering like an idiot? Just tell her already, damn it, just –

"I love you!"

And for the second time, his jaw slacked. Sakura was right. He really _didn't_ tell her so brilliantly. He practically screamed it at her, for goodness sake. He was surprised she didn't break out into a sprint and run the hell away. Who makes a confession like that? _Who?_

He did, apparently.

"_Do you remember now?_" the card asked again, after the moment was over.

The pain got worse. He didn't know how it happened, but it definitely got worse.

"Stop – stop it! Make it stop," he cried, keeling over. "I know you're behind this," he hissed between his teeth.

"_Behind what?_"

"This pain I feel in my head. You're causing it, aren't you!" he screamed accusatorily.

She shook her head at him, giving him a very serious and stern look. "_No. I am not._"

"Then what is? Tell me!"

She never answered him. Instead, she helped him back up again, and took a few deep breaths with him. The pain was still there, worse than last time, but the soothing breaths helped a lot. She grasped his hand once more and instead of walking again, they stayed put as the scene morphed again. She must've known the pain in his head was too great for him to move.

When finally the things around him stopped moving, he noticed something was different. Unlike the previous two memories he'd visited, he knew where he was. He was completely aware of everything around him, knew what happened and what was going to happen in an instant.

"No," he said, shaking his head vigorously from side to side, ignoring the stabbing pain. "No, I'm leaving."

"_You cannot,_" the Hope said simply.

"Oh, yes I can," Syaoran protested, attempting to move. But he was too late. The scene already began unfolding. And when he saw it, he couldn't find the strength in his legs anymore.

He felt like covering his ears with his hands and shutting his eyes. And though he wanted to very badly, he couldn't. It was near impossible.

"No…" he said desperately, staring straight ahead, "No, I don't want to watch this. I've already seen this. I lived this—"

"_Yes, you have. You have lived this as you have lived through all the other memories._"

She was right. It made sense. But he couldn't bear to watch this one. Not this one, any other but this particular one. He was only _just_ starting to recover from it. But there was no stopping it now.

He felt the pain in his head become a continuous, staccato throbbing, as if someone was beating his head hard against a brick wall. "…you're my number one," Sakura said quietly, the tears already falling.

He already knew his reply. "Who are you?"

"No!" he cried, and almost in unison with the memory-Sakura, fell to his knees.

"_Do you remember now?_"

Ignoring her, he squeezed his eyes shut and attempted to tolerate the pain, and the heartbroken sobs that he heard coming from Sakura's mouth. He held the sides of his head and pressed hard on his temples and ears, willing the ache to dull and the sobbing to stop. But neither let up.

When he opened his eyes again, he was back in the black, empty space, still on his knees. The Hope card was standing before him, staring at him in sadness and disappointment. She walked towards him, getting down on his level and closing her hands around his wrists.

He stared up at her with pained, amber eyes that seemed to glow bright in the darkness. The card sighed sadly, and then suddenly, something about her changed. She remained the same, still in her mistress' form, but he noticed the face was more personalized. The eyes were brighter, the dimples deeper, and the sadness more sincere.

"Oh, Syaoran-kun…" the card said.

"Hope," he replied pleadingly. "Hope, please…"

She shook her head. "No, Syaoran-kun it's me. It's me, Sakura." He felt her grip around his wrists tighten. It felt very reassuring.

He pressed his hands harder against his temples. "Sakura?"

"Yes, Syaoran-kun. Yes, it's me,"

He calmed himself by hardening his jaw, and tensing his entire body, which had been trembling the entire time. He was stiff as a board as he lowered his hands from his head, taking Sakura's hands into his own. He stared hard, greeting her shiny emeralds with his burning amber.

It was a risk he was taking, he knew, but he did it anyway. Leaning forward slowly, he pressed his lips hard against her own, and waited to see what would happen.

For just a split second the pain in his head grew unbearable, like someone had forced a bomb inside and detonated it. But the moment passed, and there was no longer pain, only memories that flashed through his mind, like a slideshow.

The memories reeled through his mind, showing him bits and pieces of moments that he shared with Sakura. He saw himself capturing cards with her, helping her face the final judgement, blushing whenever she did something cute. He pulled away from her after the slideshow had come to an abrupt end, the final memory being when she'd told him she loved him.

When they were separated, Syaoran was breathing hard and Sakura was in a state of shock, blinking rapidly and flushing pink. It seemed that when they were kissing, his hands had somehow made their way up to her face. He could feel the pleasant warmth beneath her cheeks.

"Syaoran-kun," she said quietly, "Syaoran… do you remember now?"

He nodded once and pulled her close to him, pressing her head so hard against his chest she could hear his heartbeat. "I'm so sorry."

Sakura shook her head and buried her head further into his shirt. "Why? Why did you forget me?"

"I'm sorry," he apologized again, "I'm so sorry. I couldn't do it. I couldn't _not_ love you and still have those memories of you. It was impossible. If I still had those memories, it wouldn't have worked. I would've still had my most important feeling," he explained, suddenly realizing why it had happened.

"That would've been alright with me," she pouted. He laughed.

"It would've been too painful to not love you but still remember all the reasons why I fell in love with you in the first place," he explained some more. He kissed the top of her head and added more quietly, "I'm sorry I made you cry."

"You're forgiven," she answered, "and I'm sorry for causing that pain in your head."

Slowly he took her by the shoulders and held her at arm's length. He looked at her with narrowed eyes. "_You_ were the behind it all?"

She shrugged, slightly shamefaced. "I'm really sorry. I figured it out after you told me it only happened when you looked at me. I figured the pain in your head must've been your stronger sense of self, telling you to snap out of it and remember me already!"

"What did you even do to me? I felt like I went back in time."

She stared at him. "You did, silly. I used the Return Card."

"With the Hope Card as well?"

"Yes," she answered.

He frowned. "Promise me you will never use those two cards on me again unless absolutely necessary."

She smiled wickedly. "I'll try to remember."

His frown deepened, but his eyes twinkled. "That's not funny."

And just before she rewarded him with another kiss for finally remembering, she answered, "Oh yes. Yes it is."

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The End

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**Like I said, I'm no good at keeping promises when it comes to updates. I really, truly hope that those who waited (though I doubt there's many of you) can forgive me for taking ages to add this. I hope you all had good holidays and best wishes for 2010! Look out for more of my stuff, if I happen to write anything else :)**

Signing off,  
Agent08 – _My life as a secret agent_


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